Intense attention that shifts to withdrawal. Affection which then materialises as distance. Reassurance turns into silence. Classic avoidant symptom with immature emotional behavior. And by the end of this post, I’ll give you a concrete solution to let it go.

For a highly emotional individual point of view, the hot and cold approach is not interprated as playful or mysterious, it just shows them unstability. And given how difficult life can turn out to be, stability is a crucial component for the beginning of any relationship and for the relationship to last.

What consequences can the hot and cold pattern be to a highly emotional individual?

Highly emotional individuals, as previously explained, tend to process experiences and interactions very deeply. A “hot and cold” pattern may therefore lead to the following consequences.

Chronic emotional confusion

It comes natural to them to replay conversations, analyze tone and energy shifts. So when someone flips from hot to cold, their nervous system is triggered, and an increase of their anxiety takes place.

If that loop keeps repeating, you will harm them for good and they will assimilate this behavior as a threat. And who wants to be threaten repetitively given life’s difficulties?

It breaks emotional safety

For any relationship to grow, it needs consistency. Consistent warmth will grow trust; predictable presence will turn into a deeper attachment. The brain learns at some point you know, and will assimilate the hot and cold behavior as unsafe.

And again, who wants to be unsafe in the world we are living in where violence, perpretated by conglomerate media to sell even more, is everywhere?

It is very difficult to undo that sense of unsafety once it is deeply felt.

Emotional fatigue sets in

At first, the hot and cold game can feel exciting for some but for the highly emotional individual, it becomes exhausting. 

It requires from them constant recalibrating, constant guessing and constant recovery from the cold phase.

What’s the final switch then?
Detachment. Once the detachment is outwardly, that means most probably that the highly emotional individual has already mourned internally. Don’t confuse detachment with anger. It’s more like “I can’t afford to feel like this anymore”.

The final step is acceptance, which does not mean liking everything about yourself. It means refusing to punish yourself for being human.
Is it easy? No.
If you can think of an alternative solution, feel free to comment.